


Saphael Oneshots

by just_trying



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Asexual Raphael Santiago, Cute, Fluff, M/M, Malec, Pansexual Simon Lewis, Raphael is a Little Shit, Saphael, Self-Harm, Simon is a ball of sunshine, Simon is his baby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2019-09-29 23:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17213123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_trying/pseuds/just_trying
Summary: We need more Saphael.





	1. We can all see it.

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone can see it but Raphael. Simon is still the big ball of annoying sunshine, and Raphael is still the brooding grump of a vamp. When Malec goes to dinner with them, Raphael denies any feelings, but they know better. (Because Raphael isn’t dead, the Malec kids are Max and Jordan.)  
> Alec is okay with Simon.  
> Malec are engaged.  
> Lily is like Raphael’s assistant.  
> Magnus' ring for Alec: https://bit.ly/2BKveEh  
> Alec's ring for Magnus: https://bit.ly/2EY0q5Y
> 
> (my first Saphael...enjoy! :)

 

 

“Simon!” Raphael called from his room.

In a few seconds, Simon appeared at the door. “Yeah Raphael? Why are you up so early?”

Raphael shrugged on one of his signature jackets and gestured to a personally selected outfit. “Magnus and Alec have asked me to dinner. Let’s go.”

Magnus tried to schedule the dinner as late as possible so Raphael could get some more sleep. Still, Simon rubbed his eyes and let out a small yawn. 

“Can’t you get Lily to go? Why me?” he asked.

“I would, but Lily has more important things to do than you do. And besides, I don’t want to be a third wheel.”

Simon let out a small deflated sigh and let go of any hope that he might be special to Raphael in some way. 

“Alright gimme the suit,” he said with an extended hand. 

“It’s a sports coat, fledgling.”

“Whatever.”

* * *

“Raphael! Long time no see it seems!” Magnus exclaimed.

Raphael smiled at his longtime friend (Magnus would have argued “father”). “Nice to see you Magnus. And you Alec.”

Alec, who was sporting his typical Alec mannerisms, returned the greeting with a handshake and nod. 

The restaurant was a more formal Shadow restaurant, and Simon found himself grateful to recognize Magnus and Alec. 

“Hey guys!”

“Hello Sheldon,” Magnus said.

Both Raphael and Alec responded with a “Simon”. 

“Pardon me Se….imon.” 

“No problem.”

They soon found themselves seated and with the appropriate meals placed in front of them. Simon and Raphael ordered a sort of bloody soup. 

“Hey Alec, how’s Clary?” Simon asked. Raphael rolled his eyes at the young vampire’s persistence in keeping up with the redheaded Shadowhunter. “And the Institute in general.”

“Oh she’s good….I think. She misses you a lot. She’s training really well though. Wait I didn’t say that,” Alec said. “Institute is fine for once. Relations are going well except for Sealie relations, but I’m not surprised. Izzy’s doing her best to help since she and Meliorn are together. ”

“Warlock/Shadowhunter relations are splendid at the moment, and it is my understanding that the deal was all worked out last meeting, yes Raphael?” Magnus said. 

“Of course they were. Everything has been going smoothly. Although, Alec I had a question on one part of it.”

It suddenly dawned on Simon that everyone at the table was important but him. Lily would have been a better choice to bring along. Simon wasn’t really an asset to the clan, but he was allowed to call Raphael “Raphael” and not “Sir”, which meant something. He had a title, but it felt more like being in the Environmental Chair of the student council back in middle school. He figured that Raphael had given him a “job” just to make a statement. 

“No kids today?” Raphael asked.

“Nope. Dropped them off at the Institute,” Alec said through bites of a salad.

Simon stopped eating. “No you did not.”

Magnus laughed. “Don’t worry. We made Clary promise to order take-out before Isabel got any ideas of cooking.”

“Yeah, I never thought I’d say this, but I trust Clary most with the kids,” Alec said through a chuckle. 

Simon caught sight of Magnus and Alec’s intertwined hands as they talked about their two children and gasped. “The engagement! I know I already said congrats but Clary and Izzy told me a little about how it went and now I need to know.” 

“Of course they already told you. Ok well first of all we went to dinner and, I was wearing this wonderful new suit that I’d found at-”

“Magnus I don’t think they need to know what we were wearing,” Alec interjected.

Magnus sighed a bit. “You poor fashionless people. (a/n: Raphael was slightly hurt. Simon couldn’t have cared less.) So we portaled to the same restaurant in Japan we first went to, looking marvelous of course, and had a fantastic, peaceful for once, dinner. Children were with Clary once again. ”

“Magnus knows that I don’t like a lot of show business, and for once he toned it down.”

“Though it pained me to do so. After that, we portaled to this lovely little fountain in Paris that Catarina had shown me. When we got there, she had put these floating lights everywhere, and Clary had drawn this amazing chalk pattern on the ground. Izzy put flower petals into the fountain along with a few condoms I’m quite sure. She’s always so thoughtful.”

By this point, Alec was blushing profusely just remembering the moment. He decided to break his silence and describe the some of it before Magnus could put in too much. “We got some ice cream and just sat by the fountain for a while. All of the sudden, Magnus gets down on one knee and pulls out this ring box. He says this little speech that I’m not going to say.”

“And I stop and stand up because Alexander looked so stunned. He wasn’t really smiling or anything so I was worried.” (Side note: Simon can’t help but grin at the fact that they cut eachother off so perfectly.) “And then  _ he _ pulls out a ring box as well.”

“No way!” Simon looked like he was seeing the fourth episode of Star Wars for the first time. 

“How coincidental,” Raphael said with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah we both had it planned I guess,” Alec said, looking at his left hand fondly.

The two of them showed Simon and Raphael the rings they had gotten each other. Both were quite simple.  [ Magnus’s ](https://www.dhresource.com/0x0s/f2-albu-g5-M00-1C-FF-rBVaI1ld1u-ALpkRAAFuL7wMVxs512.jpg/blue-groove-black-tungsten-carbide-dragon.jpg) ring for Alec was made of black tungsten with a clear blue band in the middle, tiny carved adamas runes (promise, loyal to, persevere, trust, and gift) underneath.  [ Alec’s ](https://images.custommade.com/crwecqEcXJ9KwjcrhiJjPB9j12A=/custommade-photosets/97edb8387c3cab9_7.jpg) ring for Magnus was a platinum band with a braid of gold along the middle. 

Magnus took Alec’s hand and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I love you so it was time. We already have two kids. It’s been years, and we knew from the start.”

None of them noticed, but though Simon was smiling, he almost looked sad. 

“Get a room you two,” Raphael said.

“Oh don’t you worry, we will as soon as we leave, Raphael,” Magnus quipped with a laugh.

“Hey I’m going to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” Simon said as he quickly got up.

Magnus made sure Simon was fully out of earshot before speaking. “Raphael?”

“Hm?”

“You’re hurting him.”

Raphael stopped fidgeting with the table setting. He started speaking slowly. “What do you mean?”

Magnus took time to think about exactly what he wanted to say. “I think you know. He loves you so much.”

“He what?!”

Magnus kept talking as if Raphael hadn’t interjected. “You’re too blind to see it Raphael, but he does. And he doesn’t know if you like him or care for him, so he keeps building up hope and getting it crushed because you can’t see it.”

Alec stayed quiet (to be honest, not totally unusual) and just observed. 

Magnus continued, “You know he’s lonely at the Hotel. You know turning is hard. Everyone at the Hotel loves him, but this whole thing is hard on him, especially since he can’t see his family and doesn’t see Clary as often anymore. What you tell him about this dinner today?”

Raphael stared at the table as he spoke, something he would only dream of doing in Magnus’ presence. “I said I didn’t want to be a third wheel.” (Malec: fair.) “And then he asked why Lily couldn’t go instead, and I said I would, but she had more important  things to do than him-...oh.” Raphael realized the “second best” attitude he had taken with his annoying fledging and replayed the moment, seeing Simon’s tiny morning smile deflate a little.

“You see Raphael?” Magnus said. “We’ve all known it, seen it. Simon’s been hurting with the loneliness and with loving you and with not seeing the sun.”

Raphael clutched his hands tight below the table, not saying anything for fear of not sounding nearly as composed as he was pretending to be. Simon was that annoying fledgling that never listened to Raphael and was always slacking off, laughing over some bad joke with Lily instead of training. He was the young vampire always forgetting to feed because “Come on! Buffy the Vampire Slayer is on and Harry Potter will be on on Saturday!” (whatever those things were). Simon was the one who’d forget where he’d put his glasses and somehow end up in his closet instead of wherever started. The one that was always tripping over his own two feet. The one that was always rambling about some nerdy book or tv show or comic. The one that sometimes remembered how to take care of Raphael’s clothes. The one that Raphael was always trying to get rid of but that he also hated the silence without. 

Alec, who had been listening and watching and staring at the ceiling as he heard Raphael’s gears turning, spoke with his level but commanding voice, “It hurts less when you let yourself feel it. I spent all my life trying to cage it away, but Magnus came along and I couldn’t do it anymore.” He squeezed Magnus’ hand. “You know, Simon stayed with you for all four days after the last major battle, when you had that bad fever that wasn’t letting you heal. Lily told me that he passed out because he didn’t sleep and was low on blood.”

Before Raphael could sputter out an exclamation, Simon was back sitting down next to him. “Hey. Did I miss anything? Are you sure you guys told me everything about the engagement? I will pry out all the tiny details when we have more time, trust me.”

“Maybe another time Simon. I think we need to take Max and Jordan home before they get up to anything. It’s a bit late for them,” Magnus said, swishing on his coat.

Alec followed and handed Simon a folded piece of paper. “Just in case you lost my number. Text me if Clary isn’t answering her phone.”

“And mine if Raphael is being mean,” Magnus added.

(Raphael: I am not mean!)

Magnus and Alec said goodbye and took the restaurant’s local portal to the Institute. The air outside was crisp with new autumn chill.

“Race you back to Dumort?”

Raphael rolled his eyes at his immature fledgling. “Whatever.”

They ran back with their vampires speed. Of course, Raphael made it back first. But, Simon being Simon, he almost caught up at the last minute and ended up tripping and running into Raphael just as they got to his room. 

“Oh-oh shoot. I’m-I’m s-sorry Raphael,” Simon stuttered as he struggled to get up. He had landed on top of the leader and pushed them onto the bed as they half-fell. 

Raphael huffed and adjusted his jacket. “It’s fine,” he grumbled. Simon stood up straight and brushed himself off. For the first time, Raphael really saw and payed attention to how good Simon looked. (Of course complimenting himself first on the choice of jacket, suit, tie, and shirt.) Of the two, Raphael wore the most black. (a/n: why did I feel the need to say this...it’s obvious.) When he picked Simon’s outfits for formal occasions, he always found himself picking a deep, dark coat with some undertone of color. At Alec’s first wedding, the color was dark navy blue. When he went to his first party, the color was an evil purple. Today’s was blood red. They made Simon look dangerously attractive, complimenting his “vampire mojo”. This one was just a tad too big on Raphael, but fit perfectly on the young vampire, hugging all the right places with just enough flare. To his credit, Simon had been better at training, and Raphael would be lying if he said he wasn’t noticing. 

Raphael watched as Simon carefully took off the coat, making sure to inspect it and hang it perfectly straight back on its hanger. There was a sense of pride. A few months ago, Simon would have been tossing the coat on the back of a chair. He took off the cuff links Raphael also lent him and dropped them in their tiny ring-box-like box. 

Simon. This stupid idiota that doesn’t know the difference between Buffy and actual vampire history. This annoying fledgling that gets over excited about small things and never stops talking. This adorable vamp that was starting to wear down Raphael’s carefully constructed heart. Him and his fast talking and caring stubbornness and unrelenting smile. He tried to not listen to Magnus and Alec, but there was no way he could anymore. Those nights (mornings) Simon went to bed early for no reason. Those training sessions where Raphael would get angry and find Simon at the Jade Court hours later. Those nights when Simon would disappear and return just at daybreak with a sheepish apology. Was Simon hurting then? Was it Raphael’s fault?

“Simon. Do you like me?” Raphael was usually quite blunt anyway.

Caught off guard, Simon almost physically stumbed back. But, once again, he squashed down his inkling of hope. “As a leader? You’re great, yes. As a...friend? Yes...but stop moping and take care of yourself,” he said, still with a smile.

Raphael scoffed. "Says you! I heard you passed out when I had a fever!”

Simon shied away. “It was necessary.”

It hit him hard and without any sort of warning. Raphael felt a surge of something he couldn’t place. He was quiet for a moment, trying to ease the bits of pain and that feeling he was feeling. (a/n: wow raph is feeling something.)

“Should-should I go? You’re busy right? Lot’s of things to do an-,” Simon stammered.  

Raphael cut him off. “Why didn’t you tell me I was hurting you?”

“Wha-what do you mean?” Simon knew full well what he meant.

“Magnus and Alec told me that you...love me. And that I was hurting you. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Simon leaned against the wall and sighed. “It’s not important.”

“Yes it is Simon. I can’t be the one hurting you.”

“Well it’s fine.” Simon said. He was ready to do what he normally did: wrap up in a blanket and watch tv all night. He started walking out the door. 

“Do you love me?”

Simon sighed (again) and slumped farther against the wall. “Yes I do. I have.” Simon couldn’t help but feel like his heart was beating faster. He’d liked Raphael the moment he settled into Dumort. He loved seeing Raphael’s rare smiles and hearing him speak Spanish. But at the same time, he knew he meant nothing to the leader. He was just a fledgling. 

Raphael’s hands were shaking.  His chest was burning, but it didn’t hurt. In a moment of impulse, worried he might never have this much courage again, he rushed over to Simon and pulled him down by his tie, capturing the young vamp’s lips in a long awaited kiss. Simon wasted no time in kissing back, almost with more force than he had intended. There were no more words spoken. Everything else melted out of view as they got lost with each other. Simon, being the young camp he was, stopped and panted, forgetting he didn’t need to breathe. 

Raphael took this opportunity to say the words he’d been waiting to say. “I love you too.”

Simon rested his head against the wall, smiling at the ceiling. Raphael wasted no time kissing down his neck, hands tangled in Simon’s hair. He kissed at nipped until he found the place that made Simon reflexively gasp. In no time, there was a mark in that very place, Raphael’s mark of “this one is mine”.

Simon almost couldn’t process everything. Moments ago, he had been ready to stay alone in his room and accept that he meant nothing to Raphael. Now, he had a gorgeous man marking him after the best kiss of his whole life. Simon had fallen for the vampire leader quickly. It was all the little things that Raphael didn’t even know about himself. The way he rolled his eyes at Magnus when under all that, he was grateful for the warlock. The times Simon could almost physically see Raphael deconstruct his walls when he talked to Lily. The way he methodically picked each outfit and pair of shoes with a look of concentration. And, especially, how protective he was. Even now, Raphael seemed to be screaming through his kisses, “You’re mine. I’ll never let anything hurt you again.”

As the rest of the clan woke up, Raphael and Simon had ended up on the bed, Simon snoring just slightly with his head resting on Raphael’s chest. Raphael smiled at his idiota fledgling and took a picture of their intertwined hands.

 

Text to: Magnus Bane (not my dad)

Image sent

 

Text to: Magnus Bane (not my dad)

You were right 

  
  



	2. Who's that one?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael sees a young vampire in the club...;). Not really an au, but where Raphael doesn’t really know Simon because the clan is really big and Simon wasn’t his problem. Raphael is much more flirty and loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Year post!!! (technically one day early but oh well)  
> This is much more book Raphael than Freeform.  
> 

Magnus was at a club and there was no way Raphael wasn’t there. They were both standing at a tall table, leaning against it with a drink in hand, watching the lights strobe over the dancing mass.

[Raphael](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mortalinstruments/images/2/2c/CJ_Raphael_Santiago_01.jpg/revision/latest/zoom-crop/width/240/height/240?cb=20130922010740) pointed a lazy finger at a seemingly young vampire dancing with a werewolf at the edge of the dance floor.

“Hm. Who’s that one?”

“[Simon](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-EWuwW-EZXaI/XCgx9CJVqOI/AAAAAAAAFzA/P_Po03yGJQs3B--EaZbHU0UFOmiQiwqUQCK8BGAs/s512/2018-12-29.png) Lewis. One of yours Santiago,” Magnus said with an eye roll.

“The clan is large,” Raphael said, swirling his drink. “He’s quite attractive, yes?”

“I can see your point, but I’m set on that one in the corner. Alec Lightwood. Shadowhunter,” Magnus replied, pointing to a dark haired boy sitting alone in a corner.

“Lightwood? He’ll be hard to get.”

“I love a challenge,” Magnus said. He slid a bill across the table (more as a gesture since they had a tab open). “Buy him a drink.”

Raphael finished off his glass and adjusted his jacket. He was wearing it shirtless that day. The werewolf was getting closer to the pretty young vampire. Raphael strode over to the dance floor with the confidence only the Manhattan Clan leader could.

He cut off the werewolf and immediately started moving to the pumping beat of the song.

“Hey man! What the-” The moment the werewolf saw Raphael’s face, he stopped his sentence and scurried away.

Raphael took no time checking out Simon, who looked stunned. “Hello there fledgling.”

“H-hello M-mr. Santia-santiago,” Simon stuttered. This was Raphael Santiago! The clan leader.

“No need to call me that. Raphael will do...unless you want to call me “Sir” later. I wouldn’t mind,” he whispered close to Simon’s ear, making the young vamp shiver.

“You’re cute.”

Simon blushed and shrank against the pillar behind him. “Th-thanks.”

“Speak up babe. I can’t hear you.”

“Thanks.” Simon blushed even more when Raphael called him “babe”.

Raphael smirked. “No need to thank me. You did all the work yourself. The truth doesn’t always hurt.” Simon was nervously bouncing rather than dancing, but he wasn’t necessarily not enjoying everything. He bit his lip to distract himself from Raphael’s exposed chest.

“Would you mind if I kissed you? I can’t keep looking at that lip of yours. I think I have to put it back in place.”

Simon nodded, almost too enthusiastically.

Raphael kissed Simon once to make sure he was 100% okay with it, a sort of “Are you sure?” Instead of backing away as Raphael had expected, the younger vampire leaned in again, reaching one hand around to rest on the back of the leader’s head. Raphael looped his arm around Simon’s waist as their mouths met. For some reason, there was a hot fire igniting them every place they touched.

Raphael swiped his tongue across Simon’s lip and explored his mouth. Simon wasn’t inexperienced, this was just a new experience. Raphael’s kisses were intense.

He slipped a hand under Simon’s loose t-shirt. “Mmm. Soft.”

Simon giggled into the kiss.

“You’ve been training well, haven’t you, fledgling?”

“Just for you,” Simon said shyly.

“That’s what I like to hear. Want to go get a drink with me? On me of course,” Raphael said, running his hands across Simon’s fit body.

“I’d love it.”

* * *

“So. Why haven’t I seen you around? You’re in the Manhattan Clan, yes?” Raphael swirled his drink in the glass. Of course, it was alcoholic.

“Mhm. Only been a vampire for a few months.”

“Ah that’s why. You’re practically a baby. Now I can really call you babe,” Raphael said, a smile curling his lips. “The clan treating you well?”

Simon squirmed in his seat a little.

Raphael sighed. “Of course they aren’t. I can fix that. Any friends though?”

“Oh yeah. Lily’s really nice to me. Elliot too.”

“Lily? That little fiend. She’s been keeping you for herself. I think I can fix that too. You’re too beautiful to hide. Who did you come here with?”

“My friend Clary. She’s a Shadowhunter. And her friends.”

Raphael arched an eyebrow and pointed to where Magnus was sitting in the corner next to the lonely Shadowhunter. “Is that Lightwood boy with you?”

“Oh yeah. He’s one of Clary’s friends, but they don’t really like me.”

“I doubt that.” Raphael leaned in and nipped at Simon’s ear. He kissed down Simon’s neck and left little bite marks along the way. “They wouldn’t mind if we disappeared would they?”

Breathless and buzzed on adrenaline, Simon shook his head.

The Hotel wasn’t far and they had a good time running together there. Simon rambled on about his own nerdy interests, but it just made Raphael want to kiss Simon more. There was something adorable about him. Of course, Simon would trip sometimes, but Raphael would help him up.

The whole thing was an experience to say the least. The Hotel wasn’t home for Simon. He missed his family and his old life, but he had to deal with the Shadow World. He’s often seen the clan leader speaking at clan meetings. He’s admired Raphael then and now. Raphael was cool and composed and breathtakingly stunning, but he hadn’t met Simon more than once. Raphael was more of a daydream than anything else since Simon was sure he had no chance. But here he was. Running through the streets of New York with Raphael after making out with him at a club.

Simon was about to use the front doors to get into the Hotel, but Raphael grabbed his wrist and led him to a back door closer to his room.

“Hey my room is in this hallway too,” Simon said.

“They really are this close? That’s convenient. Isn’t it.” Raphael responded with a wink.

The moment the door was locked, Simon’s nerves started flaring up. Raphael turned around and saw him shaking and wringing his hands together.

“Are you alright baby? Shit did I read you wrong? I didn’t mean to pressure you. I’m sorry. You can leave if you want.”

Simon looked at Raphael through his eyelashes. “No. You’re fine I just...I like you…”

Raphael smiled at the nervous boy. “I like you too.” Those four words always felt like they belonged in a comic strip, but they were simple and straightforward.

He rested on hand on Simon’s cheek and asked, “Can I kiss you?”

Simon nodded and leaned into the kiss. This one was different than the ones in the club, where ambiance worked wonders. This one was slower. They took time to remember each feeling. Raphael had one hand on Simon’s lower back and the other reaching under his arm. Both of Simons’s hands cupped Raphael’s head between them.

Being a novice at control, Simon’s fangs slid out. Raphael flicked his tongue against the points. He let one cut a paper-cut-thin line on his tongue, letting out a small drop of blood. Simon gasped as he tasted the warm metallic liquid. One drop and his sense were heightened; he felt like he was on fire again. He was almost hyper aware of Raphael’s hands tracing patterns and exploring his body.

He felt underneath Raphael’s jacket. And explored every inch of skin he could reach.

They moved as a pair and not as two separate people. By the end of the night, Simon snuggled close to his leader and peered up at him through half-closed eyelids.

“Am I your boyfriend now?”

Raphael smiled down at the fledgling. “Unless you won’t have me.”


	3. Who's that one? pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part of "Who's that one?".  
> Raphael comes out as ace and is scared Simon'll reject him, but Simon doesn't care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!  
> *asterisks are Raphael's thoughts *  
> Also, I hope this is alright writing of ace!Raphael. I'm bi and I don't want to misrepresent the community. Enjoy!

Previously...

Raphael smiled at the nervous boy. “I like you too.” Those four words always felt like they belonged in a comic strip, but they were simple and straightforward. 

He rested on hand on Simon’s cheek and asked, “Can I kiss you?”

Simon nodded and leaned into the kiss. This one was different than the ones in the club, where ambiance worked wonders. This one was slower. They took time to remember each feeling. Raphael had one hand on Simon’s lower back and the other reaching under his arm. Both of Simons’s hands cupped Raphael’s head between them. 

Being a novice at control, Simon’s fangs slid out. Raphael flicked his tongue against the points. He let one cut a paper-cut-thin line on his tongue, letting out a small drop of blood. Simon gasped as he tasted the warm metallic liquid. One drop and his sense were heightened; he felt like he was on fire again. He was almost hyper aware of Raphael’s hands tracing patterns and exploring his body. 

He felt underneath Raphael’s jacket and explored every inch of skin he could reach.

And here we go...

Simon, who had gained some confidence now that he was sure Raphael liked him as well, hooked his finger underneath the waist of Raphael’s pants and gave them a tug.    
Raphael suddenly jumped back, accidentally biting down on his lip and drawing blood in the process. He turned around, unable to face Simon, and dragged a finger across his fangs in frustration. 

Simon’s eyebrows were knit with confusion. He hoped he hadn’t done something wrong. For heaven’s sake, this was  _ Rapahel Santi-freaking-ago _ . 

Raphael was in his own world. In his head, thousands of possible conversations and insults clouded his mind.

* _ Shit, what have I done?* _

_ *You do this every time. You get this far and don’t follow through. Every time. You get them all riled up and just drop it.* _

_ *He’s going to think you’re sick.* _

_ *He’s so sweet, but he’ll never accept you.* _

_ *Why can’t I just be normal?* _

_ *You can’t expect a vampire relationship without...that.* _

_ *So fucking disgusting.* _

_ *Never going to be enough for him. And you know you never have been for anyone else.*  _ Raphael hadn’t been in a relationship in decades. It was always because of this that every person left him. This was Raphael. Cool, composed Raphael Santiago that always knew every detail and all the policies. Mr. Santiago that always seemed to know exactly who he was and where he was meant to be. He had tried for years to find someone who understood him and didn’t stalk away, leaving him clutching air. This was the only think in his life that didn’t fit. This one thing. 

* _ He probably thinks you’re a freak right now.* _

_ *You should just give up.* _

_ *It’s never going to happen.* _

Simon was beginning to get nervous. Raphael hadn’t moved for a few snail-paced minutes. He could hear his breathing becoming more and more erratic.

* _ You’ll lose this one too.* _

_ *Simon’s never going to stay with you once he finds out.* _

_ *You never have been normal. You never will be normal. First, turning into a vampire. And, forever this.* _

_ *It’ll be like this for all of eternity.* _

It was too much. There were too many versions of his own voice and sometimes even Simon’s voice yelling at him. 

“I’m sorry. I-I can’t.”

* _ He’ll probably ask what’ going on.* _

Simon tried to get a look at Raphael’s face, but he had his head down, his arms hugging himself.

“Raphael? Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no, it’s my fault. I-I just...can’t.”

* _ Get over with it. They all end the same way.* _

“Raphael, come over here and sit down. Something’s not okay.”

* _ There it is. He’s catching on. Fucking freak.* _

Raphael sat on the bed and buried his head in his hands.

He started to speak slowly, readying his ears for those words. “I don’t really like sex.”

Raphael braced himself.

Instead, he heard Simon say “Oh ok.”

“Wait what?”   
“I thought you were hurt or I did something to you. You had me worried for a second,” he said with a relieved sigh. 

Raphael was more still than he’d ever been. All the voices stood still “You don’t...care?”

Simon knew the feeling the more he thought about everything. Coming out as pan was one of the most terrifying moments in his life. The paranoid thoughts and terrified whispers. 

“No it’s not that I don’t care; what you care about, I care about. Sex isn’t important to me if you don’t like it. Doesn’t change anything.”

Simon. Sweet Simon. “So it’s not important to you that I’m not normal?”

He smiled at Raphael. “Thank G- damn still can’t say it. Thank Gay you’re not normal. What’s the use being normal? You’re just more interesting,” Simon said, still choking on the Lord’s name. “Ever entertain the idea of being asexual?”

For once in his very long life, Raphael was confused. He was too scared to say anything and just let the silence speak for himself.    
“Here. Take a look at this.” Simon pulled up articles defining “asexual” on his phone and offered it to Raphael. 

He read for a few minutes. Five. Ten. Fifteen. Simon was honestly completely comfortable not doing anything for fifteen minutes. It gave him an opportunity to compliment Raphael in his head. (“God look at that JAWLINE. Oh hey I can say God in my head. Sweet.”)

This was the first time. The first time Raphael felt like he was understood. Everything fit. It all made sense. He finally found the word that defined him. He finally found exactly who he was. 

He slowly set down the phone and whispered, “I’m asexual.”

Simon lunged forward and threw his arms around Raphael. Simon squeezed him tightly and gently whispered in Raphael’s ear. “I’m so proud of you. I know that was hard.”

For once in a long time, those voices were all gone. “Thank you Simon. For not hating me.”

Simon smiled and gave Raphael a small kiss on the forehead. “Could never hate you.


	4. Simon's good with kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A battle occurs but Simon has to babysit instead of fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! with this and I just wanted Simon to interact with kids :))  
> I changed some of the vampire dynamic by adding kids   
> Also, I'm so in love with confident Raph.   
> *tears* the last season  
> my bbs  
> Enjoy!

“Damn it!”

“Raphael? What’s going on?” Simon mumbled sleepily, looking at the flurry of vampires rushing to get out of the door of the Hotel.

“Attack. One at the Institute. One at the Jade Wolf. Next one will be here. The Queen probably sided with the demons and avoided this.,” Raphael explained. “And before you ask, yes Clary is ok and yes Luke is ok. Hurry up and get dressed. Meet us downstairs.”

Raphael tossed a bundle of clothes at the still groggy Simon, who tried to dress quickly despite his lack of sleep. 

Lily stopped by Simon’s door and held out her hand. “Come on baby. It’s showtime.”

-

“Do not leave your brothers and sisters behind. This is not our first battle, and it will not be out last.” Raphael finished his briefing and stepped off he set of steps. As was customary for Raphael, he wore the usual suit. 

Thinking that the clan, with its older members, had forgotten its newest participant, Simon rushed over to the clan leader. 

“What should I do? Where should I go?” he asked eagerly.

Raphael adjusted his cuff. “You’ll stay here in the hotel.” Simon could tell through Raphael’s facade of calmness and composure that he was nervous., but hadn’t guessed that he’d have to stay in.

“Wait what? I’m not going out with you?”

Behind his eyes, Raphael saw flashes of the potential battle and the fledgling in the rubble. “No,” he said, his voice pulled tight. “Stay here with the kids. Lowest floor in the blood bank.”

“Raphael no. I have to go out there with you guys! I’m a vampire and you guys are my family,” Simon argued. Truthfully, he didn’t want to wait inside and wonder how many weren’t going to come back. Raphael had said that the numbers coming back from the Jade Wolf weren’t optimistic and many were injured. 

“Simon no. Those kids are vampires too. They’re your family too. I’m not letting you or them out. Don’t worry. There’ll be others to keep guard.”

Before Simon could even get a word out, Raphael had disappeared into the crowd of people. 

“Good luck,” Simon whispered to the absence of the vampire leader.

He waited and watched the flurry of undead gear up and find their partners. Someone tapped him on the arm. “Hey Simon. Mr. Santiago said you’re watching the kids too?” said a dark skinned vampire. Simon had trained with him before. Kurt was it?

“Yeah. Kurt, right?”

“Yup. Let’s go before anything gets in.” Kurt motioned to a group of confused looking vampire children huddled in the corner. There weren’t many vampire children compared to the clan, but the clan always made sure to find any youngling bitten by a ruthless soul. They were usually adopted by other older vampire partners. But, being undead, the other members were always awkward around the kids that were so full of life despite the lack of real life. There hadn’t been many child attacks recently, so the group was mostly younger kids around the same age. 

Simon took one look and could already feel how scared they were and channeled the energy he always had when he and Clary were summer camp counselors. He put on a bright smile and weaved his way through the crowd. “Hey guys. I’m Simon.”

A small girl with a tight curly ponytail tilted her head a little. “I know you. You’re the Daylighter.”

Simon laughed lightly. “Yeah I am. So, your parents and Mr. Santiago asked me to take care of you guys for a little while they go do some work. They asked me to take everyone downstairs. Ok?”

The little puddle of kids nodded their heads and Simon led them down to the blood bank level. Other than the kids, Simon, and Kurt, around four others were there to guard, but they stayed a bit farther away.

Once they settled in the blood bank, some of the children paired off and went to draw or play pretend with each other, but a small group stayed close to Simon.

“Where’s mama and papa? When will they be back, Mr. Simon?” asked a boy around seven. 

Simon inwardly frowned, trying to think of the right way to say it. “Well...they’re busy doing some work for the clan. They won’t be gone long though. Don’t worry.” 

Simon had met many of the little children before and knew almost all their names. “Hey Trinity! How are your fangs doing? I heard you lost a tooth a week ago.” A girl with blond, bouncy hair grinned and let her pair of fangs slide out. She grinned, proud of the gap in her teeth. The other kids marveled at the missing tooth and started comparing fangs and counting lost teeth. 

Simon smiled at the bubbling group of younglings. When he and Clary were little, they’d compete for number of teeth lost and whose teeth grew in the fastest. It was an era away. He felt a little tug on his sleeve and found most of the young vamps sitting by his feet. Many of them had wandered over after getting bored. 

“Mr. Simon? Ma says you’re a Daylighter. What does the sun look like? My old ma never let me go outside a lot.” (Quite a few of these kids didn’t have great pasts, and it made them targets for older, meaner vampires. Still, some of them did come from loving families.)

“Well. The sun is really bright. It’s so bright it hurts your eyes. But it’s warm. Like a big candle. When the sun sets, when you guys are waking up, the sun gets orange and yellow. The whole sky lights up with a lot of really pretty colors. Sometimes it gets purple and like you’re really sleepy. But sometimes, the sun makes the sky look red and smudgy. Every time it’s different. You see the little flecks of shiny rocks in the ground and all the birds flying away.” Simon fished around in his jacket pocket and pulled out the small sketchbook he kept around to write down lyric ideas. In a few of the pages, Clary had painted of drew things. One of them was a stunning sunset over the Manhattan Bridge. He showed the kids the  page and watched their eyes light up. “The sun feels like when someone gives you a big smile and hugs you.”

Simon let them pass the book around and talk to each other about little memories of the sun. 

One of them poked him in the leg. They had a tendency to pull him out of his daydreams to ask questions. “Mr. Simon? Who made that?”

“My friend Clary. She’s really good at art. She’s my best friend.”

“Do you like her?” the girl asked.

Simon chuckled at the question. “No I don’t. She has a boyfriend anyway. We’re just really good friends.”

“Do you know Mr. Santiago? He’s kinda scary,” she said, frowning.

Simon let himself laugh at the little girl’s comment. “Yeah he looks a little scary but don’t tell him I said that,” he whispered. “He’s not that scary though. He’s really nice sometimes. He makes sure we’re all safe in the clan. And he’s really smart too. Mr. Santiago pretends he doesn’t like my jokes, but I know he does.”

The girl giggled into her sleeve. “Do you like  _ him _ ?”

Simon’s automatic answer was a lighthearted, “No I don’t.” But, the longer he went, the more he thought about it. Raphael’s name had kept ringing in his head. Echoing in his skull. Clary’s name had for a while, but that was a while ago. Sure, Raphael was Mr. Santiago to everyone else but Lily and Simon, but that wasn’t a big deal. Why Simon though? Simon picked up on Raphael’s little ticks after spending all day in his office helping sort papers even when he had training since Raphael asked. Raphael would bite his lower lip while he was deep in thought. Every now and then, Simon would catch the fleeting ghost of a smile, a beautiful smile. He was always catching Simon’s lingering stares at Raphael when he thought he wasn’t looking. Raphael. Raphael Santiago. Leader of the New York Clan. Feared by many. Respected by almost all. The same vampire who would ask for Simon to stay late even when Lily left the offices. The same vampire that left Simon cups of blood when he knew things weren’t going well with Simon’s family. The same person that spent weeks training Simon to be at least more capable with vampiric abilities. Mr. Santiago. 

The kids were mostly well behaved. Being a vampire in the clan usually did that to most (minus one Simon Lewis). Somewhere while the clan was gone, Simon had pulled out his guitar that he’d left down in the blood bank and played songs with the children, letting them try to make chords with their tiny hands every now and then. They played round of tag and sharks and minnows to keep their minds off the passing time.  At some point, Simon let some of the girls and a few boys try to braid his hair while the others plucked at the old guitar. Kurt walked over from his position in the corner of the room and sat down next to Simon. 

“You like kids?”

“Yeah. I always have.”

“You look good, like you’ve been training. When you first came here, you could barely keep your fangs in,” he said, a slight smirk on his face.

“Yeah that was a while ago,” Simon laughed. 

Kurt motioned to the gaggle of little vampires working on Simon’s head. “It looks good on you. Just need a little something.” He reached over and picked up a clip on bow. He clipped it into Simon’s hair, brushing his cheek. “Perfectly brings out your eyes.”

“Thanks,” he said with a small chuckle. 

“Your hair’s really soft,” Kurt slyly remarked.

While Simon and Kurt were talking, the door to the blood bank had silently opened and the clan stood behind it. Since the room was large, none of the kids noticed as some members gathered blood bags from the refrigerators close to the door. Raphael and Lily sat down tiredly, watching over the others. The battle hadn’t done much damage to the clan, but everyone was tired and not ready to do much. Many took a second to sit down and take breaths.

Lily motioned toward Simon, who was talking animatedly with one of the little girls about the hairdo. “He’s good with kids.”

Raphael smiled a tiny but no less rare smile, an equally tiny fuzzy feeling tingling in his palms. “Yeah he is.” 

“Ooh. Looks like baby’s getting chatted up by Kurt,” she said playfully. 

Raphael narrowed his eyes at the vampire. Who was this Kurt? Marrison? Kurt Loren? Whoever it was, he wasn’t liking it. Of course, he had no right to be, but he didn’t like someone talking to his fledgling. That was Simon Lewis! Didn’t this Kurt know any better than to talk to one of Raphael’s? He couldn’t quite place it, but some little bud of something bloomed in his chest.

One of the kids spotted their parents and alerted the other by shouting “Mommy! Daddy!” 

Hearing the presence of the rest of the clan, Simon’s head snapped back and searched frantically looking for Raphael. No one seemed upset so no one was dead (again) or too badly hurt. But where was Raphael? He finally spotted him sitting next to Lily with an oddly perturbed look on his face. Simon wasted no time dashing over (making sure not to trip over one of the kids).

From his chair, Raphael grinned smugly knowing Simon had left Kurt so quickly, leaving him looking alone and confused.

“Raphael!” Simon squeezed Raphael in a tight hug, his arms around the leader’s neck. “I was worried ‘cus it took so long for me to find you.” Simon pulled away and was almost panting. 

Raphael tried not to be fazed and picked up some conversation. “How were all the kids?”

Simon smiled behind his shoulder. “They were pretty great as usual. I’m still mad you didn’t let me fight, but you’re okay and you didn’t mention anything serious so I’m assuming it’s all good. I love those kids though.”

“And that Kurt?” Raphael tried to hold back, but the question came up bitterly through his teeth.

“Oh yeah. He’s a friend I used to train with,” Simon responded, looking a little uncomfortable talking about the other vampire. But for Raphael, he had heard the only word he needed, “friend”. Relief poured over him.

In a low voice, he said, “Thank God. Because then that lets me do this.” He grabbed Simon’s head and smashed their lips together in a passionate kiss. 

Simon’s heart almost jumped as he tried to process what was happening. The clan leader. Kissing. Him. But, the instant he stopped being so shocked, he cursed himself and grabbed the leader’s waist, pulling him closer. It felt like a weight was lifted off both their chests. Something felt right about this. Raphael just fit with Simon. They barely knew it themselves, but they’d been waiting for this. All those late night hustles and tiny jokes make sense. 

Raphael barely stopped the kiss to take a half a breath and traced his thumb over the side of Simon’s face, relishing the moment. Eventually, the stopped and rested their foreheads together, breathing hard and smiling with both their mouths and eyes. They laced their hands together.

Being the awkward bean he was, Simon sighed, “Wow.”

Raphael slipped his hands by Simon’s waist, hugging him closer. “I didn’t know how long I was waiting for that. You’re perfect Simon. I think I love you, my Simon.” He placed little kisses along Simon’s cheek and jaw. 

Simon rested his arms over Raphael’s shoulder and close his eyes. “I think I love you too Raph.”

 

(In the background:)

(Kurt gets mad 'n storms off.)

(Money changes hands.)

(Lily made some $$$)


	5. Morning kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS ONE IS SUPER SHORT. I'll try to update more once school gets out.
> 
> Ok so I like changing vamp dynamic and plot just so Raph can exist. Sue me! Also, this is pure, distilled fluff. No sad bois here. And I might write a prequel so tell me if you want that.
> 
> Things I changed: Raph doesn't die (duh), Simon is still a vampy vamp, vampires age in the same way warlocks do, and Raph is still ace so that didn't change.

 

Raphael, though, had woken up a few minutes ago and was soaking in the early morning (night). He gently wiggled out from underneath Simon's head and propped himself up on his elbow. As creepy as it sounded, he just watched his boyfriend sleep.

They'd been together for around two years since the Dark War. It had been a mess when it first started. Raphael had known Simon was an asset to the clan and vampires valued committed relationships. To prevent from another clan trying to steal Simon, Raphael had to pretend that they were together. Besides, who would mess with Raphael Santi-fricking-ago anyway?

A thousand fights and heartbreaks, a war, and two years later, they were here. The two had settled into a rhythm that they both were fine dancing to. Raphael was still head of the New York Clan and Simon was one of the liaisons between the Downworld races and the Clave as well as a frequent guest teacher at the Shadowhunter Academy in Idris, where he met one of his best friends, George Lovelace.

It had taken a hurtful amount of time for Raphael to admit all the things that eventually led to Simon. Nobody could deny that they were more than opposites, but they worked in ways that most couldn't even expect (which Raphael liked to think of as their strategic advantage and Simon liked to reference as their superpower). He'd tried, but no matter how much Simon babbled or mixed up pop culture with real vampire dynamic, Raphael would always end up back with the young vampire, and Simon was always ready for him to come back. And even though the whole clan still referred to Simon as "baby," he was very much better at living with his "vampire mojo," a fact that Raphael would only admit was very hot on his deathbed.

Raphael smiled as he watched his stupid, adorable, beautiful boyfriend roll onto his side, appreciating his little bundle of happiness. He leaned over and pressed tiny kisses all over Simon's neck and shoulders and cheek. As soon as he felt his partner stir, he pressed one more under his ear and smiled. 

-

Simon was sleeping soundly, but he was ticklish. He felt someone on his neck. Out of pure habit, he let out a giggle. They were kisses. Tiny kisses. They were light and traced winding path all around from his shoulder all the way to his neck and back. He slowly opened his eyes and let the soft glow of the street lamps wake him up.

As much as he didn't want the little kisses to end, he wanted to see the face behind them even more. He rolled back over and stretched his legs out. When his head turned, he was greeted with one of Raphael's rare gentle smiles. There was no way you couldn't grin as well.

"Hi," Simon greeted.

"Good morning." Even though he'd just woken up, Raphael's voice was still smooth as silk. "I woke you up?"

"Yeah, I got ticklish."

Raphael sighed contently. "You're adorable," he said, watching Simon bury into the sheets. "Now, you owe me a real kiss."

In response, Simon rolled his eyes lightly and said, "Alright since you've been waiting so long."

"What can I say, I just can't help myself."

As they both leaned in, neither of them could help smiling into the kiss.


	6. But just to see some yellow sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are conditions to Simon being at the DuMort. He does anything anyone asks, it’s part of the conditions...yeah they’re not together in this one and it’s not happy at all :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Depictions of self harm.  
> PLS READ: This one. This one I think has the most of my soul. Pls enjoy. I haven’t been diagnosed with any sort of mental illness so I never try to write something and then LABEL it as a mental illness because my writing is not yet mature enough. But I think what Simon is going through could be and I hope his pain really comes across. It's short but heavy.  
> They eat food btw...i love changing vamp dynamic

Simon would describe himself as a kind person. And between helping out kids and holding doors, he never found a reason to be anything but nice.

It was ok living in the DuMort for a while. He and Raphael has gotten closer. He helped Raphael with paperwork, he sang with his guitar every Friday for the few kids in the Clan, and Clary would call every week to ask how he was doing. He’d get to know a few people, even though he was always the first to say hello. But as problems rose in the Shadoworld, Simon became a symbol for the Shadowhunter’s invasion into their family.

Clary called less and less until she didn’t, but Simon didn’t hate her. She had bigger problems. The clan started making him to do more and more. Pick this up, get me a glass of blood, clean up this plate, go send this letter, do this for me. He didn’t mind it. They were small jobs, but the clan members would sneer every time, which made everything less enjoyable. Plus, Raphael piled on more work. He never wanted to see Simon and what they had fell apart. File these forms, organize these cabinets, do these taxes, get out of my sight. Behind every order Raphael gave was a “Make sure you do this.” He followed every order. No one said anything to him. For what seemed like forever, he didn’t say a single word. He heard others though. He heard them whisper that their fledgling-hood had been easy and fun.

He missed his family but he was worse than dead to them. Sometimes, he’d break out of the Hotel and quietly visit his old home to see how everyone was doing. But every visit was worse than the last. From just peering through the windows, he’d see blacked-out family photos. Eventually, he stopped visiting.

His once treasured guitar sat in the corner of his room, gathering dust next to his old pair of glasses.

Sometimes Simon would cry before he finally fell asleep. But in the morning, he’d always have to drag himself out of bed to wash the pillowcase in front of the rest of the Clan while they snickered and asked if he’d been calling for mommy lately. He eventually stopped crying.

Sometimes he’d stay up late and stare at the windows and their automatic shutters. The sun would be just rising and waking up the rest of the world. There were mornings he’d feel numb sitting on his bed, which was still made. A pencil and a pad of paper on the table next to his bed documented those times with scribbles and messes of lines and verses of never-to-be-sung songs. Eventually, he’d get hazy through the numbness, wanting to feel a feeling that wasn’t being alone.

One morning, he clawed at the shutters, once again numb to the pain of prying the thing open. The tiniest ray of sunshine fluttered in. At the same time he marveled at the warmth of the sun, the tip of his finger burned. An echoing scream was let out. Even from his room in the very farthest corner of the Hotel, every single vampire heard him. They found him on the floor, curled into the smallest ball his skeleton would allow, sobbing into his chest. All he was given was an order from Raphael to keep the noise down and a door slam that lifted all the dust in his room.

He started doing that almost every week, biting his lip so hard he tasted his own blood to keep from screaming, until he was even more immune to pain than the others. But just to see some yellow sun.

There was only one other time he ever let a scream escape his lips. He’d almost burned half his body. But just to see some yellow sun. And only one person showed up at his door.

Andrew. Sweet Andrew whose room was on the bottom floor, completely opposite to Simon’s. Who had run all the way to Simon’s room. He was a tall Asian vampire who was kind and had smooth black hair. He’d found Simon on the floor again, but this time, he wasn’t sobbing. He was sitting against the wall examining the burnt parts of his arms as if an intense amount of pain wasn’t ripping through his body. Andrew had rushed up to him and hugged him as gently as possible saying “Baby” over and over again, Simon’s former nickname. Vampires, even the couples, weren’t very touchy. Simon found himself crumbing and his pain immunity chipping ever so slightly. They eventually ended up together.

Andrew. Sweet Andrew. His goal was just to see his beautiful Simon smile again. He couldn’t let the clan know. They’d try to hurt him and his Simon even more. In the very early night when no one else was awake, Andrew would break Simon out and take him on a walk. To the pier. The park. To his favorite late-night cafe. But Andrew couldn’t help him during the day. And Simon understood. There was no kindness to be shared with him.

Present…

As every vampire does, Simon has at least one weapon in his room. But unlike the rest of them, Simon has a knife that Raphael gave him. Still sharp from never being used.

But sometime when Andrew was out on one of his long missions, he found himself a gun very easily. It was placed on his dresser where most vampires put their weapons.

That numb feeling is returning. After a whole day of polishing the silver and burning classified documents for Raphael, who’d seemed to have forgotten that fire was lethal to vampires, Simon did one more favor for one of the clan members and climbed back up to his room. He knows that Andrew has either returned and is sleeping, or is in another sun-safe house. Like almost every morning, Simon sits by the desk and rests his chin on his arms and just watches his lit candle flicker. He hadn’t realized, but he’d picked up the knife from the dresser.

With the pad of paper in hand, he draws paths and lines that intersect and change direction every which way. He doesn’t know how long he does this, but eventually, four pages of his notebook are filled with scribbled. As if his mind blanked, Simon breaks his trance and finds his pencil dull. The day hadn’t been

In his head, the progression from happy to harsh haunts him. Like a demon holding a veil over his eyes, Simon’s vision clouds. At the back of his desk, he stares at a broken piece of pottery. It’s plain and white, but there’s a story. 

Simon had broken a plate of Raphael’s. Of course, Raphael was angry. Simon had been terrified. Trembling and biting every-healing holes in his lip. It was the day Raphael knelt down and cleaned it up with him. Sighing and smiling and saying “Just don’t do it again baby.”

He’d liked Raphael for a long time, but Raphael always seemed to hate everyone. One time, Simon had even asked Raphael if he hated him. To Simon’s surprise, Raphael had laughed, a rarity, and said, “Of course not. I think you’re cute bebé,” making Simon blush. 

Unbeknownst to Simon, Raphael had first tried to really hate Simon for all the plan he’d ruined, but he couldn’t help but find the clueless fledgling adorable. Even if he babbled all the time and didn’t know what was anything pretty much, there was a joy that the little idiot seemed to spread. He made everyone feel special. 

Also unbeknownst to Simon, Raphael was planning to ask the boy out until everything happened with Camille. 

Present…

Simon’s brain had turned off for a while. He woke up and found instead of a pen, a knife in his hand. He had been cutting the pad into pieces of paper. Though he was growing bored of the paper, he’d gotten used to being bored, a common side effect of being unwanted, useless, and alone.

He stares at the knife. With shallow breathing, he lifts it to his pale arm. Slowly, he drags the sharp knife across his skin. It’s slow and painful, thank God. He watches his skin heal. 

Gradually, the knife’s speed increases. Simon draws a breath as the first droplet of blood spurts from a newly healed wound. His first instinct is to get a towel and lay it on the floor so nothing stains Raphael’s carpet. With an invigorated sigh, he sits back down on the wood chair. The lines on his arm are much more interesting than the ones on paper. As the lines criss-cross, more drops of blood roll down his arm. 

One by one, the lines stop their healing. Nothing else in the world is in focus. He’s dizzy with exhaustion and the hurt of what feels like decades of denial. In his mind, every memory of every word he’d heard since turning replay in his head. 

At first, memories of pain and the hurt of Turning. He hears Clary and Jace behind her. But, those memories fade. Soon, he sees Lily and Jonah, two first friends. Then he sees Raphael, smiling. 

But soon, there’s Camille. And he’s alone again. He hears his mother yell at him that he’s a monster. Never her son. He feels all the exhaustion of trying to stay ok through the suffocating loneliness. All the chores he’d ever done. Then he sees Raphael again. He feels Raphael’s smile and laugh. And his heavy disappointment. And his phrase of “Don’t be an idiot. Stop trying to save the world for your red-head,” he’d said bitterly, “I hope you’ve seen your effect. Is it what you’d planned? Leave me alone. Stay away from me bebé.”

Raphael was standing in the doorway. Simon. Baby Simon. Was cutting his arms, sweet blood leaking from his arm. Slowly, the his own knife was carving lines that healed into scars on Simon. He sucked in a breath. His baby. 

“Simon!”

He stands up in surprise, almost falling from haze. Simon painfully forces on his show-stopping smile onto his face. “Hello Raphael.”

Raphael can’t help but notice the towel on the floor, now stained with dark red, and the gun, an instant death. 

“I tried to stay away.” This time, instead of Raphael, Simon sees Andrew. Sweet Andre. The one who made him feel less worthless. He feels all the little hugs and kisses Andrew snuck him through the day. For a while, he didn’t need to feel the warm burn of sunshine. Andrew was enough. Made him feel enough. Simon sobs and lets himself feel the burn of sadness and opening scars. 

“I’m sorry Raphael. I did everything you all asked. I hope I made you happy,” he pleads though there is no plea. With a final sad smile that takes every piece of his soul to pretend, he says, “Make sure you tell Andrew I love him.” 

With one smooth motion, the knife settles into his chest.

Raphael can’t move. He can see Simon falling apart. He can’t move. He’d done this to his Simon. “Make sure you tell Andrew I love him.” It’s an order. Like the ones he gave Simon when he couldn’t bear to see him as a reminder of what he had been planning to do. 

The moment the tip of the knife touches Simon, Raphael can tell it misses his heart by millimeters; he isn't dead, he won't die. In one cynical thought, he thinks that if only Simon had trained more. Simon crumples to the ground, reminding Raphael of the one first time he’d burned his own hand with harsh sun. It’s as if Simon’s numbness has transferred to Raphael.

He backs out of the room, finding Lily nearby. 

“Lily,” he starts, “Get Andrew.”

Lily smirks. “What, do we need someone else to monitor Lewis? What’s he rui-”

“Get Andrew NOW Lily!” he shouts. 

Lily is still for a moment. She’s never heard Raphael shout before. It’s her turn to back up. “U-uh yes Raphael.”

In only a second, Andrew is by Simon’s room. He lunges for the still-young-fledgling and holds him as carefully as the first time. 

Raphael still can’t move and stares. 

Andrew, sweet Andrew, turns his head sharply to the most important vampire in the country and demands, “Stay away from us.”

For once, Raphael takes the order. He sees his effect on his bebé. 


	7. Simon gets possessive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time in five years, Simon is the one that gets possessive.

Typically, it was Raphael that got possessive, which Simon didn’t mind, but for one in their five years together, it was Simon. Because vampires lived forever, they were both comfortable with other people, but they’d always find themselves back with each other. Neither of them particularly minded; Simon always knew Raphael would return and Raphael always knew Simon would return. 

Their partnership worked well. Raphael was still clan leader and Simon was on a board of Downworlders that helped keep peace and negotiate legislation. The nature of their positions meant they were often attending galas and political house parties. 

Recebtly, the Shadowhunters we’re hosting some of the Madrid Institute and their Downworld representatives. Thankfully, most of the business had been dealt with and the “meeting” was as more of an excuse to have a party. 

Every now and then, Simon and Raphael would check in with each other. 

“Hey baby,” Raphael greeted with a little kiss. “How’re you doing? Having fun?” 

Simon always pecked Raphael back in response. “Good. You?”

”Me too. I’ll leave you to your Nephilim,” Raphael said. 

All of Simon’s human friends smiled at them. They were constantly commenting that their relationships were so cute or adorable. 

Simon continued his conversation for a whole, but he caught something out of the corner of his eye. Some Spanish vampire diplomat was talking with Raphael. He normally wouldn’t have minded, but the Spanish diplomat was flirting almost intensely and kept dropping gross sexual innuendos. Simon excised himself and silently eavesdropped. 

An abnormal fire ran in his veins. It wasn’t jealousy. Simon knew better than to be jealous. He was angry. How dare this other vampire try to take Simon’s partner! On top of that, how dare he make Raphael so obviously uncomfortable! 

Simon could hear Raphael trying to politely decline all the diplomat’s flirting, but he was stubborn, persistent. 

There came a point where Simon couldn’t listen to his partner get hit on and tired of rejecting. He marched up to Raphael, not caring that a generally political conversation was as ruined. 

“Oh hey Si-”

aimon cut him off and viscously kissed him with motivation. He didn’t even wait for Raphael as he continued to lean in. It took a  few seconds for Raphael to get over his school, but once he did, he welcomed his familiar partner. Even for a vampire, Raphael felt like he needed to breath, a sensation he hadn’t felt for at least 80 years. 

Eventually, the younger of the two pulled away and protectively draped an arm across Raphael’s chest and pressed tiny kisses to his neck. Raphael automatically put his hands to hold Simon’s arm. 

“How are you doing baby?”

Raphael looked up at Simon. “Well I was just having a pleasant conversation with the Madrid clan’s Vice President. Mr. Efraín Ortega Romero.”

The Spanish vampires had been flirting with Raphael so much, his scent was all over. “Speaking of Mr. Romero, I’d very much appreciate if you’d stop hitting on my husband,” Simon said firmly, but gently pulled Raphael out of his seat. “And please. Don’t ever speak to him like that ever again.”

Raphael let himself get dragged away from the table. No matter how hard he tried to be professional, he couldn’t keep the smirk off his face. 

The Madrid Vice President wasn’t left at the table dumbfounded. He tried to maintain his usual smoothness and vacated the table, trying not to think of how many people had witnessed the situation. 

Simon led Raphael back to the Nephilim table where he refused to let go of his husband, who kept muttering “ya Dios mio” with a smile. It would have been a lie if Simon denied that he blushed when Magnus whistled at their situation from the table. And it would have been a lie to say Raphael didn’t enjoy Simon’s possessiveness just a little. It also would have been a disservice to forget that Simon made sure to leave a more visible mark that Raphael was his. 

The rest of the night continued on splendidly with everyone recounting the story to Alec, who’d been busy with Max, as Simon cuddles into Raphael’s neck. 

As they left, Raphael heard the Vice President shout-whispering in Spanish to some other guests,” Why did no one tell me that Raphael Santiago is married to Simon Lewis?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually it’s Raph getting possessive so I thought I’d play with it opposite. Hope y’all liked it!
> 
> Also I just read that Raph is canonically aro...I didn’t know that.


End file.
